


To Have and Hold (Captive)

by radondoran



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Community: disney_kink, Crack, Humor, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-19
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-31 05:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radondoran/pseuds/radondoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This time," Doofenshmirtz declaimed, "I have a brilliantly evil scheme to trap you <em>forever</em>--in the sacred bond of matrimony!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have and Hold (Captive)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Принять и удержать(в клетке)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/613553) by [Rainy_Elliot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Elliot/pseuds/Rainy_Elliot)



> Translation into 日本語 available: [【翻訳】To Have and Hold (Captive)](http://www.pixiv.net/novel/show.php?id=2827005) by gurugurucutie
> 
> \-----
> 
> Written to [a disney-kink prompt](http://disney-kink.livejournal.com/4400.html?thread=4439856#t4439856) asking for Doofenshmirtz proposing marriage to Perry.

When Perry burst through the window into the evil lair of the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz, he was surprised to find that Doofenshmirtz didn't engage with him right away. No trap sprang up to greet him, no evil contraption tried to attack him, and even Doofenshmirtz himself, pacing the floor and mumbling to himself, barely seemed to register his entrance.

Perry tapped a foot for a few seconds, and then chattered to get his attention.

"Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz actually sounded surprised. As he approached Perry noticed that he had swapped the ever-present lab coat for a different outfit, which usually meant an even more outlandish scheme than usual. But what kind of sinister thing could he be planning in a tuxedo? Tuxes were usually the exclusive province of super-spies. "Your timing is impeccable, and by impeccable I mean completely peccable, I wasn't ready! Oh, well, the show must go on. You're probably wondering why I haven't trapped you yet. Not to worry. This time, I have a brilliantly evil scheme to trap you _forever_! Ah ha ha ha ha!"

He pressed a button and, before Perry had time to dodge, a small inator launched itself from the ceiling and landed directly at Perry's feet. It assembled itself with a menacing whirring, but it didn't restrain or enclose Perry. All the same, he froze. The inator had unfolded a mechanical arm just at Perry's eye level, and presented him with a tiny gold ring--just the size for a platypus's finger.

And in case there was any doubt about that, Doofenshmirtz was down on one knee. "My plan is to trap you forever--in the sacred bond of matrimony! That's stronger than a regular bond, and you always seem to escape from those. Perry the Platypus," he declaimed, still in his usual tone for evil monologues, "will you marry me?"

Perry boggled.

"What, you're not--you're not gonna say yes?" asked Doofenshmirtz. "Because this is getting really uncomfortable, and..."

Perry continued to boggle.

Doofenshmirtz sighed and stood up again. "I thought you might get all irrational about this." (Said the man who had just proposed marriage to his platypus nemesis.) "But listen, it's a good idea! I have really good insurance. I own a building! You don't even have to change your name or anything. I thought about changing my name, but Dr. Heinz the Platypus? I'm just not feeling it."

Perry gave him a skeptical look, and mimed his usual fighting stance.

"What, you think we shouldn't get married just because we fight each other every day? I've been married, Perry the Platypus, I know what the deal is. My ex-wife and I used to fight all the time. I'll be honest, _our_ fights are actually a lot more fun."

Perry still didn't look convinced.

"I've got news for you, Perry the Platypus," said Doofenshmirtz, "we're practically married already! Have you ever noticed how even when I don't trap you, we still always spend the day together? You know where everything is in my apartment. You help me parent my daughter. You took care of me when I was sick--you know, after you thwarted my plans. You even came to my family reunion! Aunt Effie says hi, by the way."

Perry obligingly waved a quick hi back, and Doofenshmirtz went on:

"You're always there for me--or, you know, against me, I guess. You're the closest and dearest enemy I've ever had. You're an important part of my life, Perry the Platypus, and I think I'm an important part of yours. I want it to stay that way forever. I want us to grow old together, me doing evil and you thwarting me, till death do us part. What do you say?"

When he put it that way... But there was still one more objection. Perry forced back a smile and looked skeptical again. He pointed at Doofenshmirtz, then pointed at himself.

"You mean we're both--? I think that's legal now..."

Perry shook his head, indicated himself again by pointing straight at his bill.

"Oh! Oh, because I'm a man, and you're a platypus." Doofenshmirtz laughed self-consciously. "You know, you're gonna think this is weird, but sometimes I forget about that. It's no problem! My brother's the mayor, I'm pretty sure he has, like, absolute power. We'll work it out."

Perry wasn't convinced democracy worked that way, but nonetheless he smiled and slipped his finger into the ring.

Doofenshmirtz beamed, and blinked back tears. "Oh, Perry the Platypus! I'm so happy!"

Perry pulled his hand back from the inator's arm, triggering a switch that caused it to snap into a small cage around him.

"Oop, sorry about that," said Perry's new fiancé. "Force of habit. Anyway, to the registry office!" He picked up the cage and carried Perry out with him. Perry rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long forever.


End file.
